Improve Your Relationship With This One Simple Change
? Five minute watch
Improve Your Relationship With This One Simple Change
Most of us fight with our partners or loved ones from time to time, myself included!
I’m human too and recently I ended up fighting with my girlfriend. When we fight or argue with a loved one, everything can get blown out of proportion very quickly. To stop this, you need an anchor, or a plan. And if you can’t prevent those feelings, the approach in the video can help you get back on track a whole lot faster.
I came out of the argument with my girlfriend with a great analogy and strategy to do things differently next time. Anyway the point is, that by watching this video and picking up some insight and tips you can ultimately give your relationship a helping hand. Give it a go and get in touch if you think I can help.
If you prefer to read about what I say you can find a summary below the video.
Hi there my name is Gordon McCrorie and I’m The Happiness Guy. This is a video all about relationships and a great tip to help you make yours better.
Almost All Couples Fight
I’m going to start off with a story about an argument that my girlfriend and I had. So that should be interesting and I may well get killed for shooting this video! But there you go. So as all couples, or almost all couples do, my girlfriend and I had a fight.
And what came of that was that I got to recognise and realise something that happens during fighting that we should all be able to relate to. And it relates to this concept of the lens that we use to see how things are at any given point in time.
So let me back track a little. Whenever we see anything we are always looking at it through a lens however we are completely unaware that there is a lens there. Sometimes the lens is one way (maybe positive) and other times it is another (e.g pessimistic). So for example sometimes when we are fighting the lens would be microscopic and we’d be narrowing in on the tiny detail, and that would be all that would matter. Sometimes the lens would be far more telescopic and help us see the big picture.
Ordinarily what we do with relationships when they are going well, we have this big picture view and we can remember all the good things about our partner and about the relationship. However in moments that we find ourselves in disagreement the lens gets shifted because of our emotional state and we go microscopic and narrow in on the tiny negative detail we don’t like and that tiny detail becomes all that matters.
What’s Useful Here?
So I guess the first thing I want to do is make you aware of that, that we have these different lenses. After the fight that I had, I asked ‘which lenses are useful and when’?
I came to the conclusion that in relationships, the microscopic lens is rarely useful in the heat of the moment. In fact it’s almost never useful in the heat of the moment; yes sure you want to go back afterwards and examine things more closely. But more often than not when it comes to relationships, when we feel ourselves getting microscopic and that tension building inside of us, then we want to pull back a little bit and we want to think about what the big picture is.
The Big Picture
Where my own relationship is concerned, I’m extremely clear and certain what the big picture is. I know that my girlfriend is a fabulously kind human being and is the best girlfriend that I’ve ever had. Apologies to the one of two other girlfriends I had in advance of my wonderful girlfriend. 😉 She’s the best girlfriend I’ve ever had by quite a margin. So it serves me to remember that, to remember all the kinds of things she does, to remember how lovely she is, what a better life I have as a result of being with her. It really serves me to pull back and to see all that.
Heat of The Moment
So what is the main take home from this video? How can you make use of these observations? Remember that you are always looking at life through this invisible lens that you are usually completely unaware of. Remember that how you feel affects the lens you use. That lens is affecting what you can see and preventing you from seeing things that aren’t in alignment with how you are feeling right now in the moment. Also, It’s useful to have done some work in the background to ask yourself what your relationship is like so you know what the BIG PICTURE is for you. For tips on self compassion check out this blog.
Love And Joy
Know what you truly believe about your relationship. It’s easier to pull back and see the big picture if you already know what the big picture is rather than when you are focused on the fine detail of that moment. It’s normal to have these kinds of debates or arguments. They often just mean that one of you, or the other of you, or both of you might be having a tough time. They don’t mean that there’s anything wrong with your relationship.
And when it comes to which lens to use, then love would rarely use a microscope. And love and joy are the lenses we want to be looking through at a relationship – and gratitude also [link to gratitude].
So I hope this video has in some way been useful for you. Next time you find yourself getting all microscopic in how you’re seeing things, looking at the fine detail of what is going on in the moment, I’d encourage you to pause and step back a little bit. Maybe go for a walk, take a few deep breaths, remember what is true for you, look for the good, and hopefully that will help you out a little bit.
That’s from me, Gordon The Happiness Guy. I hope it has been useful and take care.
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