Reducing Anger, Pain & Frustration

Life can be so frustrating. Most us us suffer far more than we let on, but the question is how do you go about reducing your pain, anger and frustration?  

Sometimes acceptance can be powerful. Acceptance doesn’t mean you don’t change things or that there aren’t changes you can and should make, but taking an objective view and accepting where things are in that moment can really help get your thoughts and emotions in order. Then you can take steps forward with a much clearer head and a happier heart.

You still have to be aware that just wishing things are different or resisting internally how they are won’t change anything.

In the video below I talk about how to avoid falling into the trap of wasting time and energy and causing yourself loads of mental and emotional pain in what we call ‘The Expectation Gap’. This can be a massive gap in your happiness! Watch the video to help you suffer less and stop wasting so much of your energy so you can have a much better life. You deserve it!

If you prefer to read what I say you can find a transcript below the video. And if you want to get in touch to see how Life Coaching can play a part in giving you a happier life then drop me a line here.

Hi there, my name is Gordon McCrorie. I’m The Happiness Guy.

The Expectation Gap

This video is all about something called the Expectation Gap. This is something that I see most of the time, almost everybody is guilty of some of this. And the reason I want to talk about it is because it’s causing pain for you. It steals some of that happiness out of your life so I want to bring  your attention to it, and then see what you can do differently so that you can have a happier life. 

The Reality

Let’s start off with reality. There is reality and then there is what you want reality to be – want or wish. They are not the same. Reality is real life and the other is what your ego, your brain, wants reality to be. There is a space between them and it’s called the expectation gap. 

In the gap, you have pain, frustration, an energy black hole. You can easily have anger, things like anxiety. A whole bunch of things, but basically negative emotions. A whole bunch of negative emotions because what you want reality to be and how you are actually experiencing life aren’t the same. 
If you are fine with what is going on in the expectation gap, then I guess that’s okay. But for me, I don’t want the pain and frustration and anger in my life. So how do you get round that?

Well just wishing the reality was different isn’t going to work.  For ongoing tips about this you can follow me on Facebook here.

Acceptance is Key

It’s really quite ‘victimy’ and I know we can’t see this and i don’t want to seem as if I lack compassion or empathy. Because it’s quite passive, there is nothing we can do about it. And I’m not in favour of anybody being helpless.

Sometimes we can influence and bend the reality a little. But if that’s not an option then the first thing we need to do is accept what reality it. Therefore developing a skill in and around acceptance of what reality is will be helpful.

Let me expand on that just a little bit. What am I saying about accepting reality? I am not saying, if things are awful, then I’m not saying don’t work towards changing it. Because of course we should. Absolutely, we should. 
I’m not saying accept everything. And I’m not saying forever.  Accept it today, accept it right now. And at that point be in acceptance. Then ask the question: ‘What can i do improve the situation?.” 

Extreme Ownership

As soon as we have got acceptance, we can go on to the next bit. In his book, Extreme Ownerhship, Jocko Willink has a thing …. No matter what happens he has this thing where he says ‘Good’. No matter what happens he will smile and he will say ‘Good.’